- Jennifer Stafford
How do people know exactly what buttons to push to get on our nerves? Sometimes it feels like the more we get to know someone, the better they are at landing their daggers. Outside of not caring when they cry, pee or poop babies are pleasant, so how do some of them grow up to be such misery seeking adults? The answer is simple, they are wounded. We all have wounds. They are the emotional scrapes and bruises we pick up from childhood.
But they do not have to define us. When we allow ourselves to experience life miserably, we are often operating out of our wounds. Healing hurt that we cannot see takes us paying attention to and checking in with ourselves. When we get scrapes and bruises on our bodies, we might wear a band aid for a few days and then we eventually let it breathe beginning the process of it healing naturally. That same method, same process can be applied to our emotional wounds. Physical scrapes and bruises do not have to be acknowledged because it is clear they are there, we see them. We have to allow ourselves to acknowledge and then accept that our painful emotions exist. It is the equivalent to the removing the band aid portion of the healing process. Once the painful emotions are acknowledged and accepted, the healing can begin. This message is even more significant for those reading this and feeling defensive or thinking F-that, I don't have time to worry about this or that wounds don't matter. Not to worry, you are just being triggered and continuing to read is you tapping into your courage.
Deciding how you would like to navigate your emotion is you figuring out how to let the wound breathe. For some of us, our adult legs and arms are covered with marks and scratches reminding us of the bumps and falls we've had throughout life. Deciding to ignore, avoid or disregard emotional hurt and pain is like not tending to the deep cut on your leg after falling off your bike. More pain and more problems are likely to accumulate, with emotional wounds we tend to rely upon someone or something else to fill the void and make us temporarily feel better. Depending upon someone or something else to make us feel better often means resentment festers when that person or thing is not doing the job we have given them. When the cut on your leg is deep, do you wait for someone else to stop the bleeding or do you try to nurse it as best as you can?
The buttons that people push are often rooted in our wounds. Instead of going after them, our energy is much better spent going towards our wounds and opening ourselves up to healing them. The better we know our buttons, the less impacted we are when they are pushed.
Misery might love company, but that does not mean you have to join it.