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  • Jennifer Stafford

Time to Fight

When couples come into my office, it's not unusual to hear them speak of how they never fought in the beginning and how now all they do is fight. Fighting, arguing or having a disagreement usually means that someone is not feeling heard or understood. Many couples mistakenly believe that not fighting is the key to a happy relationship. If for you not fighting means you keep quiet and never express your feelings, then not fighting can be dangerous and potentially damaging to your relationship. Resentment starts to build in the person that isn't appropriately expressing themselves resulting in an eventual emotional explosion. We all know, letting anything build up is never any good. Yet so many of us allow our emotional frustrations to build up inside and I'm writing to you today to tell you that it's time to kick the habit.

Helping couples to understand how important it is to have those difficult conversations sooner rather than later is a staple in the work I do as a therapist.

Give your relationship a chance, don't be afraid to disagree. Talk about the hard stuff, tell them about what annoys you, don't be so fearful of a fight that you stop being who you are. Everything in moderation of course, the argument or disagreement should end with an increased level of understanding between partners. Meaning, it should never get physical, violent or disrespectful. The aftermath should result in you two growing from the conversation and having a better grasp on one another's viewpoints. Of course it won't be a walk in the park, but with a little practice you could very soon be making your fights with your significant other much more productive.

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